A Snarky Post About Real Estate

Okay, so, its been a while since I've written anything about the local Real Estate scene.
All the Realtors in town are missing me super bad sooooooo.....

Here is a screen shot from Craig's List Real Estate Section for all the houses for sale in
Alameda.

I know, not super readable but the point is check out how many listings there are.
Know how many listings are for actual houses for sale in Alameda?
Out of 30 listings only five of those CList ads appear to be for actual houses
for sale with the ad being put up by the listing Realtor.
Putting on my math hat for a minute, that means that only 16% of the listings are real...

The rest is just garbage.
Garbage like this.

Honestly, is someone going to look at this ad with the incorrect English and be like,
'Ya, he's definitely the guy for me??'  Maybe he's a great Realtor, I don't know. But
I would definitely not choose this person based solely on this add...

Which BTW, Isn't the Real Estate for sale section on Clist just supposed to be about
Real Estate for sale? Not people pimping themselves? Didn't they get rid of the section?

The vast majority of the noise looks like this.

$635000 Great deal in Alameda, Come to the East End (alameda)

0BR apartment

Three ways to access this listing :
#1 - Cut & Paste this search URL into your browser: http://po.st/5NfspH
#2 - Reply to this ad and we will send you the email link and Information about the house for sale
#3 -- The old fashioned way. . ...Call or text us at 925-286-7112 and let us know how we can
assist you with your property search.

Simon Watson- Keller Williams Realty
Realtor Bre 01881304
925-286-7112........ 510-859-4773
Market Update: November 26th,
NOV 26th Closed a Cal Vet Loan Today in 20 days.
NOV 5th. .We just got out latest VA Client into contract, we beat 6 other offers
including an ALL Cash Deal, Closing Dec 5th
Our Team Has Sold Over 31 Homes In The Last Twelve Months. Call
Us Today If You Are Considering Buying or Selling a home.
 

I love the fact that the links aren't even real.
Cut and paste...really?
Annnnd who clicks on links anymore that look like that?
Sure, I'll click on the hidden link, I'm sure it won't go to a virus-malware filled
pornsite.....

I bet I'm not the only person who is annoyed by this nonsense.
Maybe the realty company hired some company in India to 'aggressively'
market them.....I don't know...

Readers, Alameda house searchers....does this nonsense turn you off as much as it does me?
Honestly, if CList doesn't get on the stick and do something about it I bet all the legitimate ads
are going elsewhere....

Sorry CList you know I love you (a bit too much) but this is just ridiculous.

Crazy Alameda Real Estate

Let's talk serious about the state of Alameda Real Estate.
I mean, what the hecks going on?

Crazy Micro-Bubble 
I've been talking to several families looking to buy a house in Alameda. They keep getting shut out of the bidding. One recent sale went famously for $100k over asking!
There are just basically no houses on the market. In all of Alameda there are less than 30 houses on the market.
From talking to people here's what I believe is happening, its a bit of a perfect storm for Alameda real estate.
Very low inventory, very low interest rates and wealthy-ish folks coming over from Frisco to buy houses in Alameda.
I spoke with one wealthy-ish family and they were 0-24 in bidding on houses in Frisco! They are fed up with the situation there and came to Alameda where their real estate bucks would go farther.
I believe that they are not the only people in that situation.
Alameda used to be sorta a 'hidden gem' but its been discovered by wealthy-ish folks who would normally want to live in Frisco.

How You Can Get a House in Alameda
From talking to several Realtors here's what I think you have to do to score a house in this micro-bubble.....you're not going to like it.

First, this is not the market for 'first time home buyers'. Sorry guys but you're screwed. FTHB's in my experience just don't have the ability to make a quick decision and that's what you're going to have to do in our current market.

Second, have a VERY clear and FIRM idea of the type of house you want and what areas are acceptable to you.

Third, have all your ducks in a row. Be pre-approved for a loan, have a big fat wad of cash ready to go for a down payment.

Fourth, Have a Realtor that is worth their salt. Your Realtor should know every house on the island that's for sale that fits your requirements. They should have their ear to the ground for houses that will be on the market in the near future. This last one is the most important because I think that there are only two ways to get a house in Alameda.
1. Make a 'pre-emptive' offer on a house that is not yet officially on the market.
2. Your agent should be taking you to the brokers open to any house you're interested in and you should make an offer right then and there.

If you're very lucky the home owner will decide that your offer is better than the hassle of having open houses and waiting. Even in these scenarios you will have to offer over asking.

How Come You Haven't Done A Knife Catching Review In A While
1. Haven't been many interesting houses on the market recently. Or any houses really.
2. Houses are selling too fast! I'd have to go to the brokers open to tour the place and take my pictures. Think I'd be welcome there? Me and a house FULL of Realtors? The phrase 'Tar and Feathered' comes to mind.
3. I've been busy with other stuff. The usual picture filled review takes me at least 3 hours to put together.

But don't worry, I'm getting the sense that the micro-bubble we're in is going to start bringing out the charlatans and hustlers again....

But Wait, There's More
Through the blog I've been approached by several strangers to review houses for them that they were seriously interested in. So, I've done a couple of 'private reviews' on a commission basis. If you think something like that might interest you please contact me through the email link in my profile.

Alameda Realtors, Getting Desperate?

I swear, I think every other day I get an unsolicited piece of snail mail from some Alameda based Realtor.
The emails all say the same thing,

'Now is the bestest time EVER to sell your house!!!!'
or
'All houses in Alameda are getting multiple offers and going for WAY over asking.'

Some even come with charts and graphs! To prove their point.

I don't have access to official MLS stats but it seems like there's what, 3 houses on the market right now in Alameda?

Last time I checked G&L had what ~30 Realtors and Harbor Bay about the same?

Wonder how long its going to be before they start shivving each other for listings?

Glad I'm not a Realtor...though honestly, that herd needed to be thinned a looooong time ago.

Realtors Really, Really, Like....My Halloween Display!

The Realtors really, really, like me!

I was contacted a while back by someone working for the National Association of Realtors. Now you know whenever I see something like that I think its a cease and desist order....
But, they wanted to use a picture from my blog for an online article!

The article is not about my house reviews though...like you'd think!
The article is about safely lighting your house for Halloween.

 

Don't know how long they'll keep the link live but here's the screen shot.

 

Here's a cut/paste of the text.



Halloween Lighting Ideas

• Published: October 04, 2012
• By: John Riha
• 1Comment

Tagged in:

• Home Improvement
• Lighting
• Halloween

When you stroll through your neighborhood this Halloween season, get ready for some front-yard tricks and some awesome lighting treats. Halloween displays are more sophisticated — and fun — than ever, headlined by energy-saving CFL and LED extravaganzas, and powered by creative home owners who pull out all the stops when it comes to making spooky delights. Click through our slideshow and enjoy the magic!

 

 

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Stage Frightful

Looking for a place to stage your Halloween piece de resistance? Second-story displays give everybody the creeps — and that’s a good thing. Stash a ghoul or two on an upper-level balcony or alcove, add some dramatic uplighting, and you’ll create an awesome welcome for trick-or-treaters. Keep lights safe by making sure they’re UL-rated for exterior use.

Not a bad shot of last years 2nd floor Halloween decorations they chose.
There is a photo credit that links back to the homepage of this blog.

 

Does anybody else think its super funny that the National Association of Realtors is linking back to probably one of the most anti-Realtor blog on the web?

 

Hurray For Sloppy Background Checking!!!

KnifeCatching 1007 Morton St.

Read This:The following review is just my opinion and only my opinion I am not a professional house appraiser or inspector and I am not a structural engineer. The opinions expressed in this review are based on my own inspection of the property, the publicly available facts from aggregator sites such as Redfin and Zillow and the online permit database for the city of Alameda. I am not responsible for incorrect or missing data that appears in these sources. In fact, its probably best that you just ignore everything you read here as the lunatic ravings of an unbalanced mind.

KnifeCatching 1007 Morton St.

Up for review today is 1007 Morton St. which has the official specs of being a 4-3.5 of 2811sq ft on an 7500sq ft lot built in 1898 on sale for $1.359M!?!?!? Last sold in 06 for $1,330,000. The house has been on the market for 17 days with no price drops yet. I've been calling this the 'stealth listing' as there is no sign on the house and they've only had one open house.
Since I didnt' think that they were going to have any open houses I actually talked to a couple of the houses neighbors who have lived there for 20+years and knew the previous owner well. When they both heard what the current owners were asking for the place they both said, 'Wow, they must of put a ton of work into the place...it needed everything....' foreshadowing... Both neighbors also offered up the info that they thought that the garage had been converted into a rental unit on the sly.

The Realty company showing the house has a nice website done up for it. Lots of nice pictures and a refreshing amount of actual info. I suggest you go there post haste and check out the pics, especially the night shot of the front of the house with the lights on....ARTY!

Super-Fab Street View

 The house shows super well from the street. It looks great and has very pretty grounds front and back, with a chicken coop in the backyard (how trendy). The house has the two main floors plus a finished basement with a bath and a decent sized attic. The house is bigger than the official specs of 2800sqft as that number does not include the basement or attic living space...
The two main floors are still very original with NO PAINTED WOODWORK!!!!! Hurray!!!! Really, the interior of this place is just stunning. So much beautiful wood and original details.
Its got a great front porch with an original looking stained glass window.

The Good
This place has location, location, location. It's located on one of the nicest blocks in the Gold Coast right across the street from Franklin Park in the Franklin school district.
Gorgeous woodwork!
Large house.
New foundation done in 92!
Elec service was upgraded in 98.
A bathroom was added with permits in 98.

Location Baby!

The A tag is basically the location of the house. You can see Franklin park and the school at top.
Really, a great, safe location to raise kids.

The Bad

The kitchen looks like its the original cabinets with new counter tops. I don't think that the existing kitchen would be considered up to snuff for folks buying in this price range.

The roof was last done in 87! and it looks to be in bad shape to me. From the attic I could see the original shakes so that means the place needs a complete tear off, sheathing and reshingling....

Unpermitted Work Issues....

Isn't there always?

I've searched the permit record several times and several things jump out at me.

The permit record doesn't say anything about converting the basement to legal living space.

Here's a picture of the basement.

Does that look like unimproved storage space to anyone?

The attic is only reached by the steepest and most treacherous flight of old house stairs that I've been on in a while....which is fine for a storage space....

Does that look like storage space?

The add copy calls this building the office.

Its the old garage converted to well, it looks like a separate rental unit to me.

I don't see anything on the permit record that would support this building as legal.

It is nice on the inside with a kitchen, full bath and a sleeping loft....

Since the current owners have lived there these are the only permits on file.

E07-0085 Electrical Permit FINALED DANIOS ELECTRIC 04/04/2007 05/01/20

Work Description:

REPLACE FED. PACIFIC SUBPANEL; REMOVE KNOB & TUB IN ATTIC STORAGE AREA; AND ADD NEW LINE IN BATHROOM (2

GFCI RECEPTACLES & 1 CIRCUIT) (NO PLANS REQ'D PER GC)

P07-0453 Plumbing Permit Issued A T WEBER PLUMBING 11/16/200

Work Description:

*PRE-1942* INSTALL DEDICATED 1/2" GAS LINE FROM METER TO NEW FIREPLACE APPLIANCE

Maybe all these unwarranted improvements where done by the previous owner I don't know. But the point is, the buyer is going to be on the hook for all of this stuff.
I think the garage conversion is probably going to be the stickiest wicket if the city gets wind of it...
Do these issues make sense at this price point?

The Price.....
Okay, this is the point in the past where I would say something like, 'What kinda crack are they smoking.' or, 'How much weed did they have to smoke before that price made sense?' Well, now that I am a kindlier, gentler knifecatcher, this is what I'll say.

There are several things about the price which don't make sense to me.
1. Current owners bought near the top of the market in '06 and according to their permit record have not made any major improvements, yet, now that the market is waaaaaaaaaaay down they want more for the house?
2. I know for a fact that a similar house in the same neighborhood was just appraised for a refi at $850k. The appraiser claimed that, that was the most he could justify given the available comps. If that appraisal is even remotely correct, how do the sellers justify the difference?
3. 1336 Sherman St. which on paper is basically the same house, on a slightly less desirable block couldn't sell for $1.275M and it was on the market for a looooooooooong time.
4. With the permit issues and new roof needed how does that price make sense?

Conclusion
Its got location, location, location out the wazoo!!!
Its a gorgeous mostly original Victorian with a great front porch.
Seems like it could be a great place to raise some kids.
The price is just waaaaay too high.
If they dropped the price down to $1M they'd have a chance to sell it I think...to somebody with a HUGE down payment who wouldn't have to worry about the appraisal.

This house is so far outta my price range that maybe I just don't understand how people who can afford a house like this think. It needs a new kitchen, roof, and all the permit issues squared away...and then you still don't have a garage to park your Porsche....

And that's the way I see it.

Realtors, WTF Is Up With This Practice?

You know that because I am a Real Estate gadfly that I'm always looking on Craig's List for interesting houses for sale in Alameda. Something that I've noticed with the listings recently seems really uh, odd to me.

The vast majority of listings on Craig's List for houses for sale in Alameda are posted by a Realtor who is not the listing Realtor??? Now everybody who reads this blog knows that I don't have the highest regard for the integrity of the average Realtor....ahem....but this, to me, seems pretty reptile realtor-ish.

Here's a screen shot of today's listings for Alameda CA.

Just about all the purple listings are from the same realty company listing other agents houses....
I'd guesstimate that 60-70% of the listings are like this?

If you click on one of the links you get this.

This is for the most expensive house for sale in Alameda....no price mentioned...AND they misspelled luxuriant.....just the kind of impression you want to make with folks who can actually afford to buy a $1.8M house....

Clicking on the link in the CL add takes you here.

Which has a bunch of properties listed and really, you're not sure which one they are talking about in the add are you? Because I know the house I know its the top house for sale.

Click on that link and you get this.

Wow, lots of pics, and data and stuff that looks like its all taken from other sites.
Except that when you look at it there is no link to the official website for the house or a link to the selling Realtors web page about the house??? You have to look REALLY hard to even determine who the listing Realtor is. I'm sorry but the screen capture isn't super readable...

Sneaky or No?
To me, this looks like one Realtor trying to pass off another Realtors listing as their own?
This just seems really, really well, reptile-ish to me.
I actually spoke with the listing Realtor for the house in this example and she was NOT happy about this, especially with the incorrect English...

So, Realtor's WTF is up with this practice? Is it a legitimate uh, sales technique or what?

For me, as a potential house buyer scanning the adds this practice is a HUGE PITA. You have to weed through a bunch of crap and half information just to figure out if you're even interested in the house.
To me personally, I'm super annoyed about this practice and would never use a Realty company that practiced it.
Potential buyers, how about you?

Chez Neumansky 2.0 is in Contract!!!

subtitled, ' Disclosures Smosures'

According to the Redfin Page the house was listed for sale on Nov 7th and went pending on Nov 24th!!! For the asking price of $725k!!! Wow, only on the market for 17 days!

I have to say that we were totally shocked that the place was listed for that much...then imagine our shock when it went pending for asking so fast...

We are viewing this as a vindication of our initial take on the house. When it was a rat infested, practically falling down mess and everybody thought we were nuts...this finished product was what we saw. A nice Victorian with a 3 color paint job all fixed up inside and out and pretty. Truthfully, we still wish that we could of been the ones to do it but we've moved on to bigger and better things.

Back when we were trying to decide if we should pull it off the market and do a 203k refi, get it fixed up quickly-cheaply and then put it back on the market, we never, ever projected seriously a selling price of $725k.

I'm looking at the super detailed spreadsheet now and if we had done it and put it back on the market for same amount we would of netted over $60k.....hurray....

I'm sure the current owners stand to net much, much more than that as I bet they have extremely low overhead with the 'contractors' they used.

Disclosures
If you haven't already, take a look at the Redfin page linked above...notice anything strange?
I noticed two things that I don't think I've ever seen on a Redfin page before.

In the spot where there would usually be a Zestimate it says this.

 

Home Value Estimates for 1310 PACIFIC Ave

The seller of this home has requested that home value estimates not be shown. Per MLS rules, Redfin and other public MLS-powered sites may not display any automated valuation for this home.

 

Hmmm....what's the good reason to do this? If you go to the Zillow page it still has the Zestimate..which shockingly is $721k!?!?!?! Almost the exact asking price???

 

Then there is this,

 

Sites Linking to 1310 PACIFIC Ave

The seller has requested that all public comments be removed from this listing. Per MLS rules, we are not allowed to link to blog posts about this home.

 

Hmmmmm.....could the seller possibly be trying to hide the existence of this blog? Hmmm...what's the non-shady reason for this? I can't think of one can you?

 

If you type in the address into google this blog show's up as the #3 result usually....so, its not like it can be hidden...

 

But, I don't know...is it possible that in this day and age people who are going to spend $725k on a house won't do at least a Google search?

 

In an earlier blog post I invite any possible new owners to contact me with any questions that they might have.

 

Yet, no one has? Seriously, how could you not take advantage of a resource like that? I'm not tooting my own horn here but, c'mon.

 

Our old neighbors say that the person in contract is a nephew of another one of our old neighbors who we would see everyday and say hello to....it's not like were complete strangers...

 

I do wish the new, new owners of Chez 2.0 luck.

 

After the close of escrow my consulting fee for helping you figure things out is going to be $100/hr, 3hr min.... Ha, I wish...

 

But Seriously

I think that according to Real Estate disclosure laws not disclosing this blog to potential buyers might be illegal...

 

Couldn't this blog be viewed as one big loooong in depth inspection report? I know you can't hide the existence of an inspection report, especially if its negative.

 

Actually, I think a case can be made that any of my KnifeCatching reviews  constitute a property report and should be included in the disclosure packet. Especially where I note possible serious issues like crumbling brick foundations or leaky roofs or illegal work.

 

 

 

Attention Realtors! Have you read Burbed Lately?

Okay folks, I know that there is A LOT of hate on against me and my little blog here by the Realtor Community in Alameda... They sometimes act like I'm Satan himself with my honest reviews of houses for sale...

Well guess what? I'm not the only person reviewing houses for sale!

Realtors, have any of you ever heard of a very popular blog called Burbed?

http://www.burbed.com/ 

Take a minute or five and read through that blog. Its based in Silicon Valley so don't worry...

Couple of things I want you to notice.. Besides the main editor reviewing houses he's got an army of followers reviewing houses in Silicon Valley. They tour open houses, take pictures and post about what they saw and what their impressions are of the houses. That's tens of people all doing what I do and being a lot harsher about it...they do call all Realtors realatards....I do like the google earth views of the houses for sale that show them right next to a freeway or toxic waste dump or what not...

Realtors, think about how lucky you have it here in Alameda...just one lone nut job reviewing houses for sale... Next time your cursing my name I want you to think this, 'At least we're not in Burbed territory.'

Wanted Independent House Reviewers

Well I guess I have to face facts. Even though I believe that independently reviewing houses for sale in Alameda is a valuable community service I've just been too busy lately to do it and I've missed several good opportunities to do it....

I'm sending out an open call for guest reviewers.

Tour houses you think are interesting, try to take some pics of what you think needs being shown. Try to get a pic of the front of the house at least.

Do a little write-up and send it all to me in an email (my email address is on my profile page) and I will post it to the blog as a guest review.

You can remain anonymous to the world but you can not be anonymous from me. I will need to figure out some sort of vetting process to weed out the people who are not honestly reviewing houses.

So, c'mon and join the fun!!!

Realtor Schenanigans part 2

Oy, my head....look at this stuff I have to deal with ...

Usually I would just delete comments like these from my blog as they serve no legitimate purpose and trying to argue with a crazy person just makes you crazy...so, instead I decided to do an entire post about em!!

OK Here's a comment we got on the blog earlier this week from someone calling themselves pacificalameda.

$650k is jumbo loan. 203k requires 0.9% mortgage insurance, so total > 7% interest rate !? If FHA requires 45 % ratio, will need > $11k monthly income, how many buyers hv that high income nowadays? Wait for 6 months before moving in? Any assurance the "tough" Alameda city will final in 6 months? What if it goes over budget? According to the other houses posted on this blog, seem to cost > $300k in remodeling of so many baths, bedrooms, kitchens etc. $165k doesnt seem to do a good job for the house in this condition, unless using apartment quality cheap linelium. Why other people's houses, according to your opinon, cost so much to remodel but yours doesn't? according to your blog, one kitchen cost $50k. why suddenly estimate on your house so low? the contractor's bid may not be realistic? Radiant heat is very expensive, people said cost >$600/month. What if it breaks, and leaks water in the future? how much for maintenance/repair? A huge & scary project. maybe that's why according to your blog, 3 open houses only 1 offer? what kind of person would make an offer to buy with so much work? someone who is a contractor ?? Sorry dont want to sound offensive, just things $ numbers not adding up right.

I don't even know how to respond to this, It's just nonsense...All the FHA stuff and especially that $600/month to heat the house??? That's all gotta be pulled outta his you-know-what...What can I say about the remodeling cost? We have two legitimate bids from two contractors for a simple finish of the house as a duplex and both numbers where under $150k-including a new roof.

Then my Realtor got an email from a 'Brian' with a lame yahoo email address.

saw your listing, read the very very long blogs, and has some questions: 1. total 2,800 sq. ft. 3 storeys, so each floor only 900 sq. ft.? or is the main floor bigger than the basement or attic? 2. a little confused on the asking price : $650k, including $165k in remodeling of any materials the buyer's choice? does that include all the permit fees and artichtect's drawings? not sure how up to date the old plans are bc this year many new building codes came into effect & Alameda city has the highest permit fee in the bay area. it may cost > $10k for all the architectural & permit cost. 3. what if buyers pick materials that the contractor cannot do within $165k, will the Seller susidize? 2,800 sq.ft. house for $165k seems very cheap, according to the blog commented on other houses, one kitchen average cost $50k to remodel, and one fixer-upper cost $500k to remodel. So not sure if the contractor can do with good quality materials with the house in such a bad shape that has no walls. 3. it says finish work 6 months from COE, does that mean the buyers pay 6 months of mortgage, or the seller pays before possession of house? $650k 203k loan, we are looking at about $6k mortgage, tax & insurance per month, adding 6 months of mortgage, and $10k fees, so total $"696k purchase price", sort of pricey at this market, esp. many unknowns. 4. what if the contractor stops work due to financial disputes or other reason, cannot finish the job in 6 months? Alameda city planning & building depts. are not easy to get approval/finalize. ** Can the escrow close in 8 months (until all work done) before closing since the Seller asks for $650k to buy. I.e. the Seller warrants that the house will be completely done satisfactorily in 6 months with no delay? 5. what is the incentive for buyers to wait for 6 months before moving in, with a high purchase price of $696k? is the seller's price $485k negotiable, since it doesn't seem to be justified with all these risks & unknowns? e.g. If the project goes over time, it's $6k per month! that's why most fixer-uppers are priced low accordingly, But this house does not seem to be taking into consideration of all buyer's work & risks. thank you!

Brian

I think this one as its full of just stupid assertions that you could only have if you where cherry picking individual sentances out of a blog post and not reading it as a whole... notice the exact same reference to my blog and reasoning.

Now read this from a Realtor who has been sending us these bizarre emails intended to do what? Harangue us into dropping the price ridiculously low???

That is reasonable given the circumstances. Having managed many projects in Alameda, that include the after close process of a 203k it is not as simple as you state including pick anything you want. New plans need to be drawn, the entire building will need to be brought up to code, the hud inspector is going to walk the house and have their own list of mandatory items that need to be repaired not including the cosmetics of a build out. One of the items is going to be window replacement and/or paint scraping and lead abatement which was just passes last year and is an added cost. One of my most recent projects was 2143 Alameda Ave which was posted on your blog. You know the rehab cost of that home and it was in much better shape that 1310 Pacific. Given the carrying cost of two mortgages and property taxes my estimate is that you are looking at 14,000 if you wait 4 months. There is also the fact that the buyer you are looking for for a FHA jumbo loan of 620,000 at 5.5% needs to have an income of 13000 to qualify for the loan and anyone with that income is not buying that house. Mull it around. I know the offer is not what you want to hear or see but if you were my client purchasing and you knew what the cost and time is going to be involved for a buyer after the COE it would be easy to see how obscured the numbers you are quoting and ease of of a full renovation are with federal guidelines is.

Now this one is from a Realtor who claims to know all about FHA stuff yet doesn't know that in the SFBay area FHA loans go to uh, $729k as conforming jumbo loans and its not till you go above that number that you get into the real jumbo loan territory. Again with the plans...guess he didn't read that I have the complete digital model of the house and have a set of simple redo plans already done for the house. I love his carrying costs number.... He does imply that he was the buyers realtor for 2143 Alameda Ave....this is the property where the seller was trying to sue based on my review...she claims that my review cost her $15K in selling the house....

Edit 4-14
Okay somethings been bugging me about the above email for a while and I just now put my finger on it. He does seem to be implying that he was the buyers Realtor at 2143 Alameda Ave and that it was bought with a 203k remodel loan right??? Except that the loan limit for single family houses in Alameda County is $729k and the house was purchased for $755k acording to public records???? How is that even possible? Methinks I smell a steaming pile of B.S....

Here's what the Realtor Doesn't Get About Chez Neumansky 2.0
The foundation's already been done!! Unlike 2143 Alameda Ave. That will save you $130k right there.
The electrical is already upgraded with sub panels on each floor. (unlike 2143 Alameda Ave) All you have to do is run branch circuits-which one electrician noted would take him maybe two days per floor.

Having no drywall in the way is actually a good thing. Now when he says there's no walls, what he means is that there is no drywall.  That's a plus in this situation as its super fast and easy to run your utilities inside the walls and then have them drywalled up. Usually in a situation like this you'd end up pulling most of the drywall down to run your utilities and to insulate.

You know really, author seems to of taken a play book from those nut job right wing radio guys...where they take things out of context and then blow stuff all out of proportion laced with a bunch of half truths??

Seriously now...does it not seem that all of these emails are from the same person? It really does to me...Using the exact same incorrect information with the same arguments and phrasing. What's the chance 3 people came up with all this VERY similar nonsense independently? Yes, I know that you are going to say that a bunch of people probably came up with 2+2=4 independently but c'mon three people getting things exactly wrong in the exact same way? What I especially like about the last one is that it was sent directly to me...that's something Realtors are always supposed to do right? bypass the selling Realtor and try to strike a deal with the home owner??

So, what this looks like is a Realtor who has clients who want to buy our house for a ridiculously low price has created not one but two alias' to try to convince us that the house is worth what his clients want to pay for it???

Really, Seriously now....is it just me being paranoid or does it all sound like it came from the same person??

Next Up Realtor Schenanigans Part 3....it gets really reptilian now....

A New Tact On Marketing Chez 2.0

How Does This Sound To You?

A 2858sq ft Victorian Duplex in central Alameda, completely redone for only $650,000..

This house is amazing, (is what your friends will say) it has;

A Brand New Roof (where you get to pick the color and type of shingle).

2 Brand New Remodeled Kitchens (where you get to pick exactly the features you want).

3 Remodeled Bathrooms (where you get to choose exactly how they will look).

New Floor Coverings (where you get to choose the type, style and level of quality).

New Paint, Inside and Out (yes you get to pick your exact favorite colors! Always wanted to paint a room eggplant? Go For It!!!)

Other Exciting Features

1. New foundation-slab with 9’ ceilings on the bottom floor!


2. An extensive under slab drainage system means bottom floor stays bone dry.


3. Earthquake retro-fitting done.


4. Electrical service upgraded to 200amps with 100amp sub-panels on each floor.


5. Natural gas service was upgraded and all the gas lines where re-piped.


6. Warm water radiant heating installed on first two floors. System is set up to also heat 3rd floor. Luxurious, energy efficient heating!


7. Stamped concrete outdoor sunken living room with natural gas plumbed fire pit.


8. New ‘carriage door’ automatic garage door.


9. Custom antique brick driveway and path.


10. Has tankless water heater installed-Endless eco-friendly hot water.

That's an almost completely remodeled, customized (to your exact tastes) 2858 sq ft Victorian Duplex for only $650,000.

Sound to good to be true? Well, it's not, that's the magic of the FHA 203k home purchase loan. With the 203k loan you roll the remodeling costs into your purchase loan and the house is completely remodeled to your tastes by a professional contractor before you move in. You don't have to lift a finger to do anything, except the fun stuff, like pick paint colors and kitchen cabinet doors, and marmoleum patterns.

With the 203k loan you could purchase the house below for asking and have $165k left over to have the house professionally remodeled. All within 6 months of the close of escrow! We actually have 2 bids from 2 different contractors both under $150k to do a simple finish of the house as a duplex. Your final total loan amount can be as high as $934k for a two unit building under the 203k program. You decide (up to a point) what the total cost of the house will be. Want custom cabinets and granite everywhere and Wolf appliances? Well, obviously, it's going to cost more than $150k. Here's The Simple Math $485k + ( remodeling costs ) <= $934k Your remodeling costs can be below $150 up to $449k!! and still be covered under the 203k program.

For Sale In Central Alameda 1896 Victorian Duplex 4-3 of 2858 sq ft. on a 3500sq ft lot for $485k. Many Original Details intact.

House is an interesting mix of Queen Anne and Colonial Revival styles. The only one exactly like it on the island.

House is legal Triplex currently set up as duplex. House is mid project. All the REALLY expensive work has been done it just needs to be finished. To be clear, the house needs much more than a coat of paint. You should think of it as a blank slate to apply your own vision too.

Will not qualify for standard loan, only all-cash or 203k buyers.

Like to BBQ? Like to entertain outdoors? Then this stamped concrete outdoor entertaining area with built in lighting and fire pit is just the thing! This sunken living room is plumbed for natural gas to the fire pit and BBQ.

This is possibly the most completely documented house for sale EVER!

For more information on the house than you could possibly imagine go here and kill a few hours.

To learn more about this exciting custom home ownership opportunity please contact Mario Mariani. You can email him here MarioMarianiRealtor@hotmail.com

Second Open House Also A Smashing Success And We Got Our First Offer!!!

Double Yahoo!!! Second Open Went Great Also!

The open was scheduled to run from 1-4pm but our Realtor ended up getting there early because the BayFarm bridge was set to be closed. He had all the open house signs up by shortly after 12pm. Then he says he was mobbed with people between noon and 1pm!!! Yay!!! I like it that people appear to be interested enough in the house to want to get there early! He ended up staying till almost 5pm because people kept coming!!! Like to hear that no?

The Run Down

Our Realtor told us it was about the same amount of people as last weeks open ~35 different groups. He did say that at the beginning it was mostly the neighbors begging him to not sell the house to people who are going to turn it into a tri-plex...the neighbors feel very strongly about that... We had several return visitors which I think is also encouraging. One PB(Potential Buyer) was there before 1pm, came back mid-open and then made an appointment to see the house today!! I definitely feel that when PB's do stuff like this, that its encouraging.

Same, Most Asked Question...

Our Realtor said he spent almost the entire time explaining what a 203k loan was and what it covers and how it works....he said he explained this over, and over, and over, and over and over....I can tell that by the end of the almost 5 hrs he was there that he was a little tired of explaining it. There was one couple who was there for quite some time and the wife kept coming back and asking him questions about what the 203k loan covers over and over again...until her husband finally put it in a nutshell. The husband said, 'You buy the house, and its completely redone before you move in!!!'

203k Loan Elevator Pitch

Since we are still having so much trouble getting across what the 203k loan does exactly I've been trying to work up an elevator pitch to help explain it. It needs to go something like this, ' With the 203k loan you roll your remodeling costs into your home loan and in six months you move into a redone home.' or slightly longer, 'The 203k loan is perfect for buying a fixer, because you roll the remodeling costs into your house loan and within six months you move into a redone home and, really, what banks are writing remodeling loans now a days?' or...?

We Got Our First Offer!!!

On Tuesday just 2 days after the first open! Unfortunately we could not come to a meeting of the minds on the terms but hey, at least we got an offer!! But interestingly enough the folks who wrote the first offer were back at the house this weekend looking it over again! Hmmmmm...

First Open House Went Awesome!!!!!

Yahoo!!!!!!! Our First Open House Was A Success!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like lots of exclamation points are justified for this post!!!!!

Just got off the phone with my Realtor who was whupped by all the people who showed up to the first open house!!! He was literally flabbergasted by the amount of people who came by. The open was supposed to run from 2-4 but he ended up staying until almost 5pm because there was so much interest!

Man, that makes up feel encouraged!!! Course, we are no where near selling the place but at least there was a good turn out.

We were freaking cause the weather was set to be horrible and well, there was really no advertising done for the open except what we wrote here on the blog and one Craig's List ad, something that will hopefully be addressed by the next open.

The Run Down
We were told that there was at least 35 different groups of people with one group of ten!!!
Several people came through with either their architect or contractor!
One group stayed for 1.5 hrs going over everything!
Several couples stayed for almost an hour looking over everything.
Realtor feels that there where at least 3-4 groups of people who where 'seriously' interested in the place. He actually felt that the ratio of looky-loos to serious people was pretty low.

Not too surprisingly the question most asked was 'what the heck is a 203k loan anyways and how does it work?'. It seems like we are having trouble getting across some of the basic facts of the 203k......most importantly, you as the new homeowner don't do any of the work!!! You roll the cost of the fix-up into the purchase price of the house. Luckily we had the local 203k mortgage expert there to answer questions.

Probably the second most asked question was, what's it going to cost to fix the place up?
Luckily for us one of the contractors that we are paying to write up a bid to finish the house got their bid done in time for the first open....the magic number???? $138k That's to completely finish all three floors (with new roof) in a VERY basic way that will get the house approved by the FHA. Of course you can go a lot fancier all the way up to the $770k FHA loan limit if you wanted to!

Third Most Asked Question, 'What the heck is going on in the basement with all those tubes???'
Luckily for us we had the bright idea to actually have the heat on during the open so all our Realtor had to do was say, 'Its radiant heating, feel the floor' and lots of people did.

I don't think anyone offered to buy the fish with the house though....bummer.

Yes, we know the house is no where near being sold and we are certainly not counting any chickens before they are hatched. We are just encouraged that, that many serious people showed up for the first not-really-advertised open.

Future Of The Blog???

What to do, What to Do...

There is dissension in the ranks here at Chez 3.0 about what to do with this blog after we sell Chez 2.0.

I'm of the mind that I should probably close it down entirely and start a new blog with a different name for Chez 3.0. It seems kinda weird for me to have all that info online about what will be someone else's house....

So, How about some new names for the blog?
All I've got so far is Chez Neumansky 3.0 or Chez Neumansky Third Times The Charm (this time its final!!!) or???

New Editorial Direction?
The many, many Realtors who read this blog will be happy to know that I don't envision myself doing any more KnifeCatching posts...unless someone wants to commission one. Though, I do need to get banned from at least one more open house so that I can publish the next chapter of the Reptile Realtors saga that's been written in my head for ages now...

I think that there will be a new focus in the blog as well.
Originally, the blog was about, 'holy crap we bought a tear down and now we're spending gobs of money and time fixing it up, follow along as we chronicle our ups and downs'.
I think now the blog will more be about, 'Holy Moly we bought a giant house with an almost insane amount of permit issues. Can we fix the issues on the super tight time table the city has us on and get the legal units rented out all before we run out of money.' coupled a little bit with, 'Can two slightly rough around the edges 'Burning Man Fire Artist' types fit in, in their new fancy-pants neighborhood???'

So, that's the long and short of it. Keep the old blog going, or start a new blog?

So, What Ya Gonna Sell It For?!?!?!?!?!?

Funny Story.....we don't know yet...

In an effort to get the word out about our selling of the Chez and to help us figure out a price our Realtor put together a group of Realtors to come look at the house and give us their opinions on what they thought the house could sell for now and what it could sell for when it was finished. Besides what my Realtor comes up with we'll probably average the rest of the numbers to help arrive at a sensible selling price. When I say sensible I mean a price that is as high as it can possibly be but still have us in contract within a month of listing the house.

I put together this list of 'positives' for the Realtors to think about.

1. It’s a legal triplex of ~2858 sq ft with no parking requirements.
2. New foundation-slab where we dug down to give 9’ ceilings on the bottom floor.
3. An extensive under slab drainage system means bottom floor stays bone dry.
4. Earthquake retro-fitting done.
5. Electrical service upgraded to 200amps with 100amp sub-panels on each floor.
6. Natural gas service was upgraded and all the gas lines where re-piped.
7. Warm water radiant heating installed on first two floors. System is set up to also heat 3rd floor. Luxurious, energy efficient heating!
8. Stamped concrete outdoor sunken living room with natural gas plumbed fire pit.
9. New fancy ‘carriage door’ automatic garage door.
10. Custom antique brick driveway and path.
11. All work done with permits.
12. In Franklin School District.
13. 4 Houses down from Little John park.
14. Has tankless water heater installed-Endless eco-friendly hot water.

I was out getting groceries (doing the standard Alameda TJ's and Safeway double play) put arrived at the house just as the tour was ending.

Who should I see walking out of my house but several Realtors who I have reviewed and who have no love for the MadScientist....AWKWARD!!! Even the owner of the brokerage was here....It should be fun to hear their responses...

One Realtor even said that if she were younger she would buy it!!

There are apparently already several all-cash buyer types who are interested in touring the Chez.

I'm wondering if I'm going to see a correlation between Realtors who have all cash buyer clients and their estimate of the properties sensible selling price....

Okay, But Really, What Ya Gonna Sell It For!?!?!?!
Just as an exercise in ridiculousness I'll do the math that most folks seem to do to arrive at a selling price for their homes...
Purchase Price of House- $570,000 (its not like its a secret).
Cost of improvements - $200,000 (would of been a lot more but we did a lot of the work)
So Sensible Selling Price=$770,000 right??? Right???

Ya Right, Don't I wish.

Realtor Shenanigans???

Okay, Okay I admit I'm probably more than a little bit aggravated right now....cause...

Our bid wasn't accepted....the sellers choose a different bid....

Does this seem fishy to you?
We bid on a house that has been on the market for like uh, 3 months, the price started at $819k, went to $799k and has been at $759k for over a month...with no bids that I am aware of.

We put in our bid and all of a sudden there are 2 other bids! Bids that we are led to believe are higher than ours...

Is it out of line to ask to see the other bids? To prove that they exist and to see if we can beat them? I don't think so. If its the Realtors job to get the most money for their clients and they are presented with this option, I'm pulling my bid or you can let me look at the other bids to see if I can/want to beat it. Wouldn't they then HAVE to show me the bids? Or is this just a total B.S. tactic to try to force us to increase the amount of our bid?

I am constantly hearing from Realtors that its a breach of their fiduciary responsibility to say or do this or its a breach of their 'ethics' to say that or do this..... Who all thinks ethics and Realtors go together like oil and water?

Fiduci-what-now?
First, I want all Realtors and readers to read what the actual definition of a fiduciary is. Its absolutely anathema to the concept of fiduciary responsibility to be paid by a commission based on how high a house sells for.... Well not exactly for the sellers Realtor.....but for the buyers...holy crap what an obvious conflict of interest...

Here's what I suggest 'buyers Realtors' do.
They get paid a straight fee for their services with a bonus based on how much lower than the asking price they can get the sellers to agree too. The bonus should also be based partly on time...find a house and get into contract less than the agreed upon time and get a bonus, take longer, and get a negative bonus. Now, THAT would have 'buyers Realtors' really working for the buyers.

What is this ethics thing I'm always hearing from Realtors?
Is there some nationwide Realtor ethics code they're all sworn to uphold? If there is, I bet its written by Realtors to protect only the Realtors....same with a 'code of conduct'. Every time I get the 'ethics' excuse its because a Realtor does not want to reveal a piece of information that they think will reflect badly on the house.....

Craig's List Shenanigans
In an attempt to get the word out and jump start what I'm fearing will be a lengthy sales process I posted what basically amounts to a coming soon add for our house in the Craig's List Realty for sale section.

Some douche-bag flagged it! This wasn't like 20 people who thought my add violated the CL terms of service its one person who went out of their way to have my post taken down....

How much you wanna bet it was a Realtor whom I've written about and who posts adds to CL all the time?

Okay Rant Over, I'm going to leave the CL add up just in case the 1st place offer falls through.

What School District Is this House In???

I think that when I am at open houses I hear that question more frequently than any other...
I mean if you are a parent with children and you are considering moving into a new neighborhood what's most important to you?

1. You want to know what condition the house is in.
2. You want to know if its a 'nice', safe neighborhood.
3. You want to know if the schools are good.

I hear people ask this question all the time and I ask it all the time....guess what answer I ALWAYS get back?
'I'm not sure you'll have to check with the school district.'

Seriously WTF?

If you are a Realtor showing a house how in gods name can you not know what grade school district the house is in? It's not a black science is it?

So, for everybody out there here's links to the two main things prospective buyers are going to want to know about the schools in Alameda.

This link is for the recently published API scores.
The scores show that on the main island you want to be in either the Franklin or Edison school district. If we could afford one of those cool houses on Gibbons drive on the East End we'd move there in a second so our child could attend Edison.

Here's how I read the ranking of the alameda grade schools.
1. Amelia Earheart
2. Edison Elementary
3. Bay Farm Elementary
4. Franklin Elementary
5. Frank Otis Elementary
6. Paden Elementary
7. Donald D. Lum Elementary
8. Henry Haight Elementary
9. Ruby Bridges Elementary
10. Washington Elementary

Here's the official map of the grade school districts of the island.

To find out which school district you're in just look up your address on this map, takes all of five minutes.
We are in the Franklin School district. We are way out on the gerry-meandered outer edge of it but we are in the district! That is no accident. Before buying the Chez we checked the API scores and the district map and new we were getting a bargain on a 'contractors special', the worst house on the block but in one of the best school districts. Being in the Franklin school district was a huge plus for us. We even turned down a different house that was is the Washington district-the scores where just too disparate.

Being in Franklin now I don't know what kinda deal we'd have to be offered to move to a house in the Washington district.

But the question remains: Why do Realtors play stupid about school districts?